“Are you certain this is the right place?” two men were walking through the labyrinthine catacombs, the lantern being of more trouble than help as it cast erratic shapes on the floor and walls.

“For the third time, Orion, I know how to read a map,” the taller of two waved the scroll around. “And those were pretty clear instructions…”

“Just admit that you’re lost and let’s start over,” his companion muttered. “We’ve been down here for hours.”

“Orion, I swear, if you can’t see where we’re going from your tiny height it doesn’t have to be my problem.”

“That was a low blow, Jacob.”

“Well, it’s not like any other kind can reach you…”

A scuffle broke out. Jacob had to admit that Orion’s short stature didn’t make him a less formidable opponent, but rather made him a much smaller target to hit. They were evenly matched in both swordplay and agility, and for several minutes the pointless dance continued.

“Stop it, you idiot, we’re going to get even more lost!” Orion hissed. “What are we looking for, again?”

Jacob squinted at the now crumpled parchment, “A mausoleum with an… arrangement of peonies at the base, a guy with a sword and the crossed half-moons in the left corner.”

“Left for whom?”

“How should I know, it just says left?”

“Does this look like peonies to you?” Orion pointed out at one of the tombs they had passed, with a large stone bouquet and indeed, an equally stone man lying on top of it with a sword on his chest.

Both men stopped and looked at the flowers for a few moments.

“Well, they’re flowers for sure,” Jacob said dubiously, trying to see if there was the familiar half-moon symbol in any corner. “I’m just not sure what kind.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the bookworm one?” Orion teased and started picking the lock on the grate separating them from the mausoleum.

“What are you doing?” Jacob asked even though he had some idea of the thought process behind his partner’s actions. Orion had long since adopted the “better ask for forgiveness than permission” mentality, so he probably figured it was easier to check inside the coffin than to keep guessing.

And sure enough, “I’m just gonna take a peek. It should open easily if it’s our client.”

“And what if it’s not?” Jacob questioned, but followed Orion inside. “Then you’ll be disturbing some poor soul’s resting place.”

“Jacob.” Orion turned to him with a serious face. “The tombs here are either fake ones that the clergy – and us, by lucky extension – use as a secret stash, or the real ones of super rich dudes that wanted to be buried in a particularly special place. They’re hardly poor innocent sweethearts who’ve never done anything wrong.”

“You’re pretty rich,” Jacob mumbled, but Orion just laughed and jumped on top of the tomb and started looking for a way to open it.

“And I wouldn’t mind if someone dug up my grave after I die. Probably the most excitement I’d get at that point. Oh, hey, it opened!”

Relieved, Jacob helped him push the lid aside, eager to see the promised potions and protective items – while he and Orion were capable fighters, he’d feel much safer with those if he couldn’t get the assistance of his friends.

What greeted them instead was the smile of a head withered almost fully to a skull, its eyes shining with a bluish light.

“I… don’t think those were peonies, after all…” Orion whispered as the corpse slowly started rising.

“Stop dawdling and help me close it!”

But replacing the solid stone slate that used to close the coffin was a lot harder then pushing it off; and neither of them was known for his strength. Old bones rattled, and Orion offered the second most reasonable suggestion, “Make it deader first?”

On closer look, the corpse was that of a woman, covered in blood that looked surprisingly wet and fresh. Jacob unsheathed his rapier and downed the first concoction on his belt, feeling his reflexes sharpening, “Sorry, Madam! I’m sure you’re lovely, but I’m not really into that sort of thing.”

Somewhere to the side Orion snickered something along the lines of, “Dead, bloodplay or women?” and Jacob squashed the desire to send the first stab his way.

Not that stabbing the woman did much good. There was little point in hitting her vital spots, and as far as the undead went, this one seemed more resilient than most, healing herself even as Orion scored several quick stabs with his daggers from behind. Jacob dodged several quick swipes of the corpse’s claws and wished he had the time to drink some of his extracts for extra protection.

Was this blood or poison dripping from her lips? He didn’t want to find out.

It wasn’t up to him though, because in the next moment it was Orion who missed a step, almost missing the corpse’s next hit but still getting scratched on the back of his shoulder where the leather of his armor parted to allow for movement.

A single scratch was all it took, it turned out.

The wound, however shallow, bled profusely, and Jacob saw Orion’s eyes widen just as he himself noticed that Orion had completely stopped moving.

Orion didn’t say a word, but Jacob perfectly got the meaning of his panicked look.

“I’m paralyzed, we’re screwed.”

Jacob weighed his options. He couldn’t afford getting wounded, if this was what waited for him, so he downed another extract, feeling his skin harden – hopefully that would be enough to deter the undead woman’s claws and teeth.

She wasn’t paying him much mind, too invested in Orion. It was as if the more time passed, the more his wound bled, and much to Jacob’s horror, the corpse leaned down to press the bare skin on her chest to the wound, nearly purring with delight.

Orion swayed. The woman’s features filled with a bit more life at the same time as Orion grew paler, and Jacob decided he couldn’t afford to waste more time. There were things he had noticed about her movements, the bones visible beneath the gaunt skin – things he could use against her if he could concentrate long enough to figure everything out.

The first attack, while meeting its target, wasn’t enough to kill her, but it was enough to push her away from Orion, and the corpse wailed, by now soaked in blood.

Jacob found it quite disgusting. He pressed on, slashing and dodging, a single thought running through his head.

He just had to cut faster than she could heal.

Somewhere behind him Orion collapsed onto the ground and Jacob frantically stabbed his rapier into the woman’s eye socket, twisting until the bones cracked and the now fully dead corpse started turning into bloody goo in front of him. A lucky hit, really, and he prayed that his luck hadn’t run out at that as he ran to Orion grabbing healing solutions from his belt.

“This had better work, idiot. I have no idea how to treat blood loss.”

He poured the contents of the vial into Orion’s unresisting mouth and waited.

The flow of blood slowed down, but Orion remained stiff and silent in his arms, and Jacob’s heart sank.

Then, finally –

“For an alchemist, you really suck at treating poison.”

——

I tried to make it angsty, okay? Those two are too stupid and cheerful for their own good (and also not supposed to die just yet)